Black_Hawk Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers. By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident! P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in the cockpit. S: Something tightened in the cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on backorder. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume reset to a more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: The number 3 engine is missing. S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. And the best one saved for last...... P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from the midget. 159th GAR LockOnFiles CAW Team Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nscode Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 Since when do airliners have IFF and "target radar" lol Never forget that World War III was not Cold for most of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black_Hawk Posted January 18, 2007 Author Share Posted January 18, 2007 I don't know. Maybe it stands for something else in the civil part of aviation :smartass: :D 159th GAR LockOnFiles CAW Team Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No Fear Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 Funny stuff!:megalol: Thanks!:thumbup: Fighter pilots make movies.Bomber pilots make history! You can fool some people all the time,all the people sometimes,but you can't fool all the people all the time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S77th-RYKE Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 old stuff but still funny :) this one cracks me up P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. [sIGPIC]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/madmaxx69/LOMAC/Rykesig1.jpg[/sIGPIC] Savage 77th , http://s77th.com |Core i7 920|Asus P6T Deluxe V2|GTX 285|9600GT-OC|6G DDR3|Softh on 3x22"CRTs|Tir2|yeahIsaidTir2|X-45|Haf 932|Vista Ultimate 64| Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warthogmadman987 Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 That made me and my dad laugh so freeking hard...good tymes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disso Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 It's spelled QANTAS! SU-30MKI F/A-18F ...Beauty, grace, lethality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuky Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 It's spelled QANTAS! damn right :thumbup: very funny stuff... I love the 1st one, and 2nd one, and 3rd one... I love all of them!:megalol: :music_whistling: No longer active in DCS... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IguanaKing Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Funny stuff, but its been around for a very long time. ;) It didn't come from Qantas either. Its just a collection of squawks from various sources, and it often ends up belonging to one airline or another...an aviation urban legend. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swartz (LT) Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 We had one here on base couple days ago. From B-1b Lancer Pilots to the crew chiefs P: Temperature adjustment will not turn hot in Auto mode S: Heater installed in OSO (Offensive Systems Officer) Ejection Seat. Pilot and Crew chief were good friends other wise crew chief would have been in some serious trouble for messing with the AC forms. The Temperature control panel has 2 modes. Auto and manual, Auto obviously adjusts according to what the pilot and copilot set it at. To hot it gets cold. Etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RvETito Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 This is pretty popular in Bulgaria too. Actualy I was the first to attach it on the wall in our briefing room 2 years ago, it's still there. It was a good laugh. The most popular anecdote from the former Balkan Airlines was: - Sounds like "bau-bau" comming from engine 2. - Engine 2 inspected, no dog found. Speaking seriously, this is pretty important subject and from my experience pilots regularly underestimate the meaning of what they write in the logbook. Last time they wrote as a complaint "Refill the oil tank of the left engine". The mechanic in charge got pretty angry and his first reaction was to respond with "Who are you to tell me what to do?!" but everything ended with a report to the chief pilot and the technical director of the company. What they should have written is "Low oil level of the left engine" but their hyper mega ego often makes them write bullsh*t in the logbook which is an official and pretty important document. "See, to me that's a stupid instrument. It tells what your angle of attack is. If you don't know you shouldn't be flying." - Chuck Yeager, from the back seat of F-15D at age 89. =RvE= Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott28 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Great stuff, but i've seen the joke before. managed to lose it a while back though. Thanks for reminding me of many of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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