RyboPops Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 (edited) Some of you may already know this, but I work for LMSSC. Let me share a brief work story... So this morning I got into the office and checked my email. I had an email requesting a meeting with HR and Ethics "officers" which is usually a bad sign. I had no idea what it could be about but I was obviously nervous. I responded that I was available and they replied with a time and a conference room. I wandered down to the conference room and they were already there waiting for me. I couldn't think of anything I had done wrong but feared that a pink slip was headed my way. We all shook hands, expressed some pleasantries, then sat down and the HR guy closed the door. They started out by thanking me for the work I do, saying I'm an asset to the company, blah blah blah. I'm pretty sure they say the same thing to everyone. Then they dove right into it. "As you know, all computer systems are monitored for inappropriate activity." Great...they found out that I watch a lot of gun videos during my breaks and they think I'm a threat to the company. Here comes the "offload date." He continued "We noticed that you do a lot of google searches for erectile dysfunction forums. We respect your privacy and don't wish to pry, but we ask that you search for personal health related topics on your own time." Wait..WHAT!? I must have had the Tucker Carlson face because they quickly understood that I was very confused (or, more likely, they thought that I was faking it). "We have the log here that shows that you google searched 'ED forum' X number of times over the past several weeks." A wave of relief flooded me and I let out a good laugh from the gut. What a relief. I explained what I was searching, showed them the website and the forums, and we all got a good chuckle. The HR guy explained that their internet usage monitor logs keystrokes and search engine queries and flagged repetitive searches. After that, they reminded me of some company document that directs employees not to abuse internet usage, we laughed about it some more, and then went back to work. Edited February 7, 2018 by RyboPops Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawkeye60 Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 ED! LOL Now see what you have done!!! I will NEVER be able to remove this idea from my head! I can never un-read this! I just must not tell the wife........................:D I WOULD NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT! :megalol:\ You should warn people......................:doh: "Yeah, and though I work in the valley of Death, I will fear no Evil. For where there is one, there is always three. I preparest my aircraft to receive the Iron that will be delivered in the presence of my enemies. Thy ALCM and JDAM they comfort me. Power was given unto the aircrew to make peace upon the world by way of the sword. And when the call went out, Behold the "Sword of Stealth". And his name was Death. And Hell followed him. For the day of wrath has come and no mercy shall be given." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yurgon Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Hahaha, good one. :D Kinda scary, though, having all keystrokes logged and assessed by the employer. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rrohde Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 My wife reminds about the "ED" meaning each and every time I talk about DCS with her. Working in a similar environment, I was more concerned about them looking at the .ru extension of the forum website... no comments there? PC: AMD Ryzen 9 5950X | MSI Suprim GeForce 3090 TI | ASUS Prime X570-P | 128GB DDR4 3600 RAM | 2TB Samsung 870 EVO SSD | Win10 Pro 64bit Gear: HP Reverb G2 | JetPad FSE | VKB Gunfighter Pro Mk.III w/ MCG Ultimate VKBcontrollers.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
98abaile Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Lol. But seriously, you need google to find these forums? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patersonski Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 (edited) rrohde: "...I was more concerned about them looking at the .ru extension of the forum website... no comments there?" ^^ This is exactly what I was thinking. You work for Lockheed yet HR was relieved that rather than googling personal health issues you were merely logging into a Moscow-based Russian website that specializes in and collects military aircraft performance data. That's the bit I find funny. PS. OMG RyboPops I just read your signature. No evidence of ED there! Edited June 22, 2017 by Patersonski Rybo Sig Rig: i7-6850K, Sapphire 6900XT, 32GB RAM, Asus X99-Pro board. Gear: VPC WarBRD/MongoosT-50 Stick, VPC MongoosMT-50 Throttle, VKB T-Rudders Mk.IV Pedals, HP Reverb G2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyboPops Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 Lol. But seriously, you need google to find these forums? It's easier to type "ED forums" into the google search bar click the first link than it is to type it out. At home I just hit "e" and then enter and I'm done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyboPops Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 My wife reminds about the "ED" meaning each and every time I talk about DCS with her. Working in a similar environment, I was more concerned about them looking at the .ru extension of the forum website... no comments there? Not a single mention of it. I hadn't even thought of that myself TBH. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyboPops Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 You work for Lockheed yet HR was relieved that rather than googling personal health issues you were merely logging into a Moscow-based Russian website that specializes in and collects military aircraft performance data. That's the bit I find funny. That's your taxpayer dollars at work my friend :music_whistling: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyboPops Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 PS. OMG RyboPops I just read your signature. No evidence of ED there! Hehe...yea that's not an officially sanctioned USAF squadron motto by the way... :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cichlidfan Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Kinda scary, though, having all keystrokes logged and assessed by the employer. :( They own the equipment and have a vested interest in being aware of what their staff is doing with it. ASUS ROG Maximus VIII Hero, i7-6700K, Noctua NH-D14 Cooler, Crucial 32GB DDR4 2133, Samsung 950 Pro NVMe 256GB, Samsung EVO 250GB & 500GB SSD, 2TB Caviar Black, Zotac GTX 1080 AMP! Extreme 8GB, Corsair HX1000i, Phillips BDM4065UC 40" 4k monitor, VX2258 TouchScreen, TIR 5 w/ProClip, TM Warthog, VKB Gladiator Pro, Saitek X56, et. al., MFG Crosswind Pedals #1199, VolairSim Pit, Rift CV1 :thumbup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vitormouraa Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 All I can say is: Lmao! :D Thanks for sharing, very funny story! But yeah I was also worried about the .ru, while I was reading it, I thought they would say something like "are you trying to leak information about our company to a Russian website?" lol SplashOneGaming Discord https://splashonegaming.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 That which has been read, cannot be un-read... LMAO! [sIGPIC][/sIGPIC] http://www.476vfightergroup.com/content.php High Quality Aviation Photography For Personal Enjoyment And Editorial Use. www.crosswindimages.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buzzles Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Unfortunately even after explaining and showing it to them, you will now be known as dysfunction guy in your HR dept :) Fancy trying Star Citizen? Click here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sydy Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 LOL That was funny!!! I am glad no practical demonstration was necessary during that meeting! LOL Take care, Sydy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David OC Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 That was funny...Thanks for sharing Did you tell them that the erectile dysfunctional guy's sit and hangout at the other HQ free for all forums. Yak loin. Good to keep the Yang up. - Nothing wrong with my Yang. - i7-7700K OC @ 5Ghz | ASUS IX Hero MB | ASUS GTX 1080 Ti STRIX | 32GB Corsair 3000Mhz | Corsair H100i V2 Radiator | Samsung 960 EVO M.2 NVMe 500G SSD | Samsung 850 EVO 500G SSD | Corsair HX850i Platinum 850W | Oculus Rift | ASUS PG278Q 27-inch, 2560 x 1440, G-SYNC, 144Hz, 1ms | VKB Gunfighter Pro Chuck's DCS Tutorial Library Download PDF Tutorial guides to help get up to speed with aircraft quickly and also great for taking a good look at the aircraft available for DCS before purchasing. Link Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StandingCow Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 LOL!!! Oh god... what a roller coaster of emotions that day must have been. 5900X - 32 GB 3600 RAM - 1080TI My Twitch Channel ~Moo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlyforDCS Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I hope you posted that OP from your work computer! :) Current specs: Windows 10 Home 64bit, i5-9600K @ 3.7 Ghz, 32GB DDR4 RAM, 1TB Samsung EVO 860 M.2 SSD, GAINWARD RTX2060 6GB, Oculus Rift S, MS FFB2 Sidewinder + Warthog Throttle Quadrant, Saitek Pro rudder pedals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badaboom Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Haha!!!! Priceless[,Thanks for the Great Laugh!!! :D:thumbup::D [sIGPIC][/sIGPIC] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vincent90 Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 What is "inappropiate" about looking for info about erectile dysfunction, when a browsing a videogame forum is considered fine? :huh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cichlidfan Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 (edited) What is "inappropiate" about looking for info about erectile dysfunction, when a browsing a videogame forum is considered fine? :huh: Excellent question. As a former IT guy who was involved in enforcing the internet access rules for my company, I am dumbfounded that the company was upset about you investigating heath issues but unconcerned about you accessing entertainment sites. Edited June 23, 2017 by cichlidfan ASUS ROG Maximus VIII Hero, i7-6700K, Noctua NH-D14 Cooler, Crucial 32GB DDR4 2133, Samsung 950 Pro NVMe 256GB, Samsung EVO 250GB & 500GB SSD, 2TB Caviar Black, Zotac GTX 1080 AMP! Extreme 8GB, Corsair HX1000i, Phillips BDM4065UC 40" 4k monitor, VX2258 TouchScreen, TIR 5 w/ProClip, TM Warthog, VKB Gladiator Pro, Saitek X56, et. al., MFG Crosswind Pedals #1199, VolairSim Pit, Rift CV1 :thumbup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yurgon Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Flight sims are probably more work-related. At least when you're working for LM. Throw in some KSP and you're completely safe. ;) Or maybe health related issues would warrant an expected degradation of performance and thus the prospect of termination would be more likely? :music_whistling: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyboPops Posted June 23, 2017 Author Share Posted June 23, 2017 I hope you posted that OP from your work computer! :) Why yes, yes I did. :thumbup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyboPops Posted June 23, 2017 Author Share Posted June 23, 2017 What is "inappropiate" about looking for info about erectile dysfunction, when a browsing a videogame forum is considered fine? :huh: The only thing I can think of is that maybe because those sites show penises? Could be construed as viewing porn at work maybe? Hell if I know... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyboPops Posted June 23, 2017 Author Share Posted June 23, 2017 As a former IT guy who was involved in enforcing the internet access rules for my company, I am dumbfounded that the company was upset about you investigating heath issues but unconcerned about you accessing entertainment sites. Shh...they think this is a tactical aviation news website. In all seriousness, LM has some of the weirdest policies, and they vary a bit by program (as does the level of enforcement). In all actuality I really don't spend THAT much time on the forums anyway...usually just during breaks. I have a coworker that spends 6+ hours of his 9 hour work day on Imgur, YouTube, and Reddit and no one bats an eye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts