True story about work

Some of you may already know this, but I work for LMSSC. Let me share a brief work story...

So this morning I got into the office and checked my email. I had an email requesting a meeting with HR and Ethics "officers" which is usually a bad sign. I had no idea what it could be about but I was obviously nervous. I responded that I was available and they replied with a time and a conference room.

I wandered down to the conference room and they were already there waiting for me. I couldn't think of anything I had done wrong but feared that a pink slip was headed my way. We all shook hands, expressed some pleasantries, then sat down and the HR guy closed the door.

They started out by thanking me for the work I do, saying I'm an asset to the company, blah blah blah. I'm pretty sure they say the same thing to everyone. Then they dove right into it. "As you know, all computer systems are monitored for inappropriate activity." Great...they found out that I watch a lot of gun videos during my breaks and they think I'm a threat to the company. Here comes the "offload date."

He continued "We noticed that you do a lot of google searches for erectile dysfunction forums. We respect your privacy and don't wish to pry, but we ask that you search for personal health related topics on your own time." Wait..WHAT!? I must have had the Tucker Carlson face

because they quickly understood that I was very confused (or, more likely, they thought that I was faking it).

"We have the log here that shows that you google searched 'ED forum' X number of times over the past several weeks." A wave of relief flooded me and I let out a good laugh from the gut. What a relief. I explained what I was searching, showed them the website and the forums, and we all got a good chuckle. The HR guy explained that their internet usage monitor logs keystrokes and search engine queries and flagged repetitive searches.

After that, they reminded me of some company document that directs employees not to abuse internet usage, we laughed about it some more, and then went back to work.

ED! LOL

Now see what you have done!!!

I will NEVER be able to remove this idea from my head!

I can never un-read this!

I just must not tell the wife........................:D

I WOULD NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT! :megalol:\

You should warn people......................:doh:

Hahaha, good one. :D

Kinda scary, though, having all keystrokes logged and assessed by the employer. :(

My wife reminds about the "ED" meaning each and every time I talk about DCS with her.

Working in a similar environment, I was more concerned about them looking at the .ru extension of the forum website... no comments there?

Lol. But seriously, you need google to find these forums?

rrohde: "...I was more concerned about them looking at the .ru extension of the forum website... no comments there?"

^^ This is exactly what I was thinking. You work for Lockheed yet HR was relieved that rather than googling personal health issues you were merely logging into a Moscow-based Russian website that specializes in and collects military aircraft performance data. That's the bit I find funny.

PS. OMG RyboPops I just read your signature. No evidence of ED there!

Lol. But seriously, you need google to find these forums?

It's easier to type "ED forums" into the google search bar click the first link than it is to type it out. At home I just hit "e" and then enter and I'm done.

My wife reminds about the "ED" meaning each and every time I talk about DCS with her.

 

Working in a similar environment, I was more concerned about them looking at the .ru extension of the forum website... no comments there?

Not a single mention of it. I hadn't even thought of that myself TBH.

You work for Lockheed yet HR was relieved that rather than googling personal health issues you were merely logging into a Moscow-based Russian website that specializes in and collects military aircraft performance data. That's the bit I find funny.

That's your taxpayer dollars at work my friend :music_whistling:

PS. OMG RyboPops I just read your signature. No evidence of ED there!

Hehe...yea that's not an officially sanctioned USAF squadron motto by the way... :lol:

Kinda scary, though, having all keystrokes logged and assessed by the employer. :(

They own the equipment and have a vested interest in being aware of what their staff is doing with it.

All I can say is: Lmao! :D

Thanks for sharing, very funny story! But yeah I was also worried about the .ru, while I was reading it, I thought they would say something like "are you trying to leak information about our company to a Russian website?" lol

That which has been read, cannot be un-read...

LMAO!

Unfortunately even after explaining and showing it to them, you will now be known as dysfunction guy in your HR dept :)

LOL

That was funny!!! I am glad no practical demonstration was necessary during that meeting! LOL

Take care,

Sydy

That was funny...Thanks for sharing

Did you tell them that the erectile dysfunctional guy's sit and hangout at the other HQ free for all forums.

Yak loin. Good to keep the Yang up. - Nothing wrong with my Yang.

-

LOL!!! Oh god... what a roller coaster of emotions that day must have been.

I hope you posted that OP from your work computer! :)

Haha!!!! Priceless[,Thanks for the Great Laugh!!! :D:thumbup::D

What is "inappropiate" about looking for info about erectile dysfunction, when a browsing a videogame forum is considered fine? :huh:

What is "inappropiate" about looking for info about erectile dysfunction, when a browsing a videogame forum is considered fine? :huh:

Excellent question. As a former IT guy who was involved in enforcing the internet access rules for my company, I am dumbfounded that the company was upset about you investigating heath issues but unconcerned about you accessing entertainment sites.

Flight sims are probably more work-related. At least when you're working for LM. Throw in some KSP and you're completely safe. ;)

Or maybe health related issues would warrant an expected degradation of performance and thus the prospect of termination would be more likely? :music_whistling:

I hope you posted that OP from your work computer! :)

Why yes, yes I did. :thumbup:

What is "inappropiate" about looking for info about erectile dysfunction, when a browsing a videogame forum is considered fine? :huh:

The only thing I can think of is that maybe because those sites show penises? Could be construed as viewing porn at work maybe? Hell if I know...

As a former IT guy who was involved in enforcing the internet access rules for my company, I am dumbfounded that the company was upset about you investigating heath issues but unconcerned about you accessing entertainment sites.

Shh...they think this is a tactical aviation news website.

In all seriousness, LM has some of the weirdest policies, and they vary a bit by program (as does the level of enforcement). In all actuality I really don't spend THAT much time on the forums anyway...usually just during breaks. I have a coworker that spends 6+ hours of his 9 hour work day on Imgur, YouTube, and Reddit and no one bats an eye.