A2A combat what am I doing wrong

I am having trouble with close combat I've tried sneaking in ao low and high radar on and off find a target and when I think I've came in undetected I'll lock and fire aim 9 about 5 miles out......but it seems like enemy always know I am coming and are already headed for me and have me locked as soon as I fire they fire we both dump flares my missle misses 9 times out of 10 and there's hit 9 times out of 10. It's really frustrating. I am playing on the just dog fight server btw every just heads toward the center and dukes it out.

If you find the target on your radar, you painted him, so he knows. If you know the location of the target try using AIM-9's own sensor instead (ie. boresight uncaged) with radar off. Depending on altitude, speed and aspect 5nm maybe enough or not. But if you get shoot cue you probably are set.

In the dogfight server it is hard to hide and not really the point of the server. Sneaking around in there teaches you nothing other than how to use your team mates as bait, the value of df server is winning 1v1s while maintaining SA against more bandits. Sure it is easier to rack up the kills by being stealthy but you'd be kidding yourself by thinking that was making you a better dogfighter.

Everyone in there is expecting the head on shots so you should too, you say you flare well flare more, much more, and also cut your throttle to improve your chances of not being hit. But then be ready to win the merge.

That's a old tactic against less experienced players. Act like you don't see them. Then at the last moment turn in and fire at them. Most people will panic cause they expected not to have been seen. Also if the turn is sharp and quick enough there is a big chance you loose lock for a fraction of a second..

So the best thing you can do, is to ALWAYS expect that he has seen you. Unless you are 1000% sure. Also be ready to defend after your shot.